Small Daily Habits That Sabotage Your Goals | Podcast Recap | Episode 22

A summarised edit of Mindset, Mess & Magic | Episode 22 | Small Daily Habits That Sabotage Your Goals

Listen to the episode, unedited and in full here!

Welcome to Mindset, Mess & Magic, the podcast (and now blog) helping you ditch self-doubt and gain confidence and clarity in your entrepreneurial journey. I’m your host, Hayley Scott Summers – writer, coach, and co-owner of the colourful and cosy restaurant, The Chubby Frog.

Together we’re navigating the mess and the magic of life and business, growing alongside each other and tapping into the happiest, healthiest, wealthiest versions of ourselves.

Okay, let’s dive in.

A Whirlwind Season & The End of an Era

Hello, and welcome back to Mindset, Mess & Magic. I’m your host, Hayley Scott Summers, and as always, I’m so happy that you’re here.

It has been another whirlwind week in our household as we prepare for our daughter – our eldest, my firstborn – to move out, fly the nest and go and set up home with her baby, baby Devon.

I don’t know if you’ve heard about Devon. I haven’t actually mentioned him that much on social media or the podcast, but he’s our gorgeous little addition to the family.

On top of all of that, my daughter has still been in and out of hospital, so we’ve been navigating a lot: motherhood, grandmotherhood, hospital visits, business, and all the day-to-day stuff. It’s been an absolute whirlwind.

I feel like we’re in a season of life now where it really does feel like the end of an era. And I don’t mean that metaphorically (although I’ll probably get there at some point). I mean literally:

• 20 years ago, my daughter made me a mum.

• Now she’s moving out with her own baby.

It feels like the closing of a chapter. Not a slammed door – more like a chapter ending so a new one can begin.

With every ending there’s always a beginning. There’s an ebb and flow to life. Nothing ever truly “ends”; it just transforms. This ending, this closing, is making space for a new beginning – for her, and for me.

As a mum, navigating that has been… a lot. It feels bittersweet.

She’s ready for her own space and her own life. I’m ready for more capacity, more time to create and grow. And also, I’m very ready to be the kind of grandparent who shows up with cups of tea and cuddles on repeat.

Seasonal Gifts

Autumn is creeping in and I am so ready. I don’t know about you, but I’m really here for a slower pace right now.

When the seasons change, it almost feels like you get permission to embody whatever is happening outside, inside.

For me:

• Autumn is a welcome relief.

• Winter is a bit of hibernation.

• I am fully here for darker nights and cosier evenings.

This year has been wild. So I’m more than happy to lean into a season that invites me to slow the pace, reflect on where I’m heading, and give myself some downtime.

And I promise I’m not here to talk about the weather. I actually hate weather chat.

In fact, I accidentally proved that this week.

The Tesco delivery man came to the back door. I was exhausted – newborn in the family, hospital visits, other kids, multiple businesses – and my capacity for small talk was non-existent.

He put the crate down and said, “Oh, it’s a bit cold outside.”

And before I could stop myself, I just blurted out:

“Oh good. Weather chat.”

Silence.

He didn’t say another word to me after that. Which, to be fair, is understandable.

Even at the best of times, my capacity for small talk is… limited. So when I talk about “seasons”, I’m not talking about the weather. I’m talking about the internal shifts that match external change.

Right now, autumn feels like permission to:

• Slow down.

• Change the pace.

• Reflect on the direction I’m heading in.

• Actually create some space for rest.

Life in the Kitchen & Unexpected Plans

On top of all the family changes, there’s been a lot shifting in the business too.

We had a trainee chef leave us to pursue an entirely different career path, and we suddenly realised:

“Huh. What do we do now?”

Post-pandemic, chefs are hard to find. So, as usual, I dived into the kitchen as the reluctant head pizza-maker / salad organiser / general dog’s body for Craig.

And honestly? I’ve actually really been enjoying it.

Maybe it’s because we haven’t had as much time together since the baby arrived, but we’ve been having a lot of fun in the kitchen. So much so that I’m seriously considering being in there a bit more regularly for a while.

From a business perspective, it saves us money (good chefs are not cheap). And from a relationship perspective, we get to hang out and have fun. Win–win.

At the same time, I’m still:

• Hosting the podcast

• Writing my book

• Coaching

• Managing the restaurant business

So I don’t want to live in the kitchen full-time. But there’s a lot of change – in life, in business, in our home, in my role day-to-day.

Which is why I think this topic of small daily habits that sabotage your goals feels so timely… and also slightly confronting.

When Your Audience Picks the Topic You’re Low-Key Avoiding

Earlier in the week, I put a poll out on Instagram asking what you wanted this episode to be about.

I was secretly hoping you’d all pick:

“My biggest business mistakes after 15 years in business.”

Because trust me, there’s some great shit in there – some hilarious fails and very real lessons. I love a good failure story once you’re on the other side of it. There’s so much to learn and it gives other people permission to get it wrong and keep going.

But no.

44% of you voted for:

“Small daily habits that sabotage your goals.”

And when I saw that, this little voice popped up in my head:

“Okay Hayley, but how in alignment are you with this at the moment?

How many of these daily habit ‘crimes’ are you currently committing?”

Because honestly?

I’m in a season where everything has been up and down, unexpected, and constantly changing.

• Hospital days instead of work days.

• Recovery days instead of “productive” days.

• Emergency kitchen shifts because we lost a chef.

So, are my habits the most on-point they’ve ever been? No.

Do I feel like an expert sitting on a pedestal talking down at you? Also no.

But that’s kind of the point.

I’m not here to preach without practising. I’m here to be honest about:

• The habits that do sabotage your goals.

• Where I’m nailing them and where I’m not.

• And what I’m doing about it – in a messy, real-life way.

I’ve narrowed it down to six powerful, very common daily habits that can quietly derail your progress. And I’m going to share both the problem and the solution for each.

Alignment Over “Right” or “Wrong”

Before we dive into the list, I want to make something really clear.

When it comes to your daily habits, routines and actions, it’s not about what’s right or wrong.

Instead, I always want you to think in terms of alignment:

• Who are you?

• What do you want to create?

• What do you want to achieve?

• What season of life are you in right now?

Once you have that clarity, your question becomes:

“Is this habit walking me in alignment with my goals, or pulling me further away?”

We’re not talking morality. We’re talking alignment.

Is this serving you, or sabotaging you?

Is this bringing you closer to your goals, or taking you further away?

And while we’re doing this, please be both honest and gentle with yourself.

My current season is messy. It’s not bad, but it is full of change and complexity. I’m compassionate with myself about that. I’ve barely been to the gym. That doesn’t make me lazy or worthless – it just means I’m busy and prioritising different things right now.

So as we go through these habits, try to hold yourself with that same compassion.

Honest, but kind.

Habit 1: Checking Your Phone Before You Check Yourself

Let’s start with a big one:

Checking your phone before you check yourself.

This has become such a default habit in our culture – whether you’re an entrepreneur, a side-hustler, a parent, or none of the above.

I’ve absolutely been guilty of this. Pre-baby season, I was better. Recently? Not so much.

The problem with rolling over and opening your phone before anything else is that you are:

• Letting the whole world in before you let yourself in.

• Absorbing other people’s agendas before you’ve checked in with your own.

• Taking on emails, notifications, worries, comparisons, and to-do lists before you’ve taken a single conscious breath.

I read a stat once (and I’m not going to pretend I remember the exact numbers) but the gist was:

If the first thing you do in the morning is go on your phone, you’re very unlikely to feel good.

I’ve experienced this first-hand:

• Lying there barely awake.

• Straight into emails and social media.

• Seeing the VAT bill, the problems, the unanswered messages.

• Already stressed before I’ve even properly opened my eyes.

That is not a vibe.

A Small Shift That Changed My Mornings

Here’s one simple thing I changed.

I realised one morning that I had gone straight onto my phone before even acknowledging where I was – or the person lying next to me.

My partner sleeps beautifully (and I am convinced I do not). He’s handsome anyway, but he’s an especially beautiful sleeper.

And I caught myself thinking:

“I’ve just scrolled through strangers’ content before taking a moment to appreciate the love of my life asleep next to me.”

From that day, I made myself a promise:

Before I do anything on my phone, I will:

• Take a breath.

• Look at him.

• Take a moment to appreciate that he’s there and that this is my life.

You might not have a partner beside you, or they might be a chaos sleeper with their mouth open and the duvet on the floor. That’s fine.

The point is:

Check yourself before you check your phone.

How to “Check Yourself” First

None of this has to take long. We’re not talking a two-hour morning routine on a mountaintop. Just simple presence before you let the world in:

• Do a quick body scan:

  
  

  Wiggle your toes, stretch out, notice how your body feels.

• Visualise positive energy:

  
  

  Imagine golden light, rainbow energy, glitter – whatever feels good – moving through your body.

• Set an intention:

  
  

  Ask yourself: “What do I want today to feel like?” Not just what you want to do, but how you want to feel.

• Practice simple gratitude:

  
  

  Think of 3 things you’re grateful for – your bed, your plants, your hot water, your kids (even if they woke you at 4.30am).

Recently, we redecorated our bedroom, and I wake up feeling genuinely grateful for the space. I look at my little jungle of plants and think, “Wow, I get to live here.” That alone shifts my energy.

If your space doesn’t feel like that yet, maybe that’s an intention for this season: to create a little corner, a plant shelf, a bedside spot that feels like gratitude when you wake up.

The habit shift:

Phone second. You first.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself. (I’m sorry, I had to.)

Habit 2: Falling Into the Day Without Intention or a Plan

The second daily habit that sabotages your goals is falling into your day with no intention and no plan.

As the saying goes:

“Fail to plan, plan to fail.”

Or, as Dean Graziosi puts it:

“Fuzzy targets never get hit.”

If you don’t know what you’re aiming at, you may well end up somewhere… but it probably won’t be where you wanted to go.

This isn’t about having a hyper-rigid five-year plan (although I do love a good five-year vision). It’s about:

• Knowing who you are.

• Knowing what you want.

• Choosing not to just coast and “wing it” through your one wild, miraculous life.

Winging it is for eyeliner.

Don’t wing it with your dreams.

Soul-Aligned Structure

I’m a big fan of what I call soul-aligned structure.

That means:

• Your plans are bespoke to you.

• They’re in alignment with your values, energy, and season.

• They’re not copy-pasted from what you saw on Instagram.

Even a simple daily intention can change everything:

• “Today I want to move one thing forward in my business.”

• “Today I want to connect with joy.”

• “Today I want to handle that one task I’ve been avoiding.”

Life moves so fast. If you’re not intentional with your time and energy, days just… disappear.

The habit shift:

Don’t coast. Decide. Even if it’s just one clear intention per day.

Habit 3: Failing to Prioritise Your Wellbeing

This one trips people up way more than they realise:

Not prioritising your wellbeing.

And I’ll be really honest – this is the one I’m struggling with the most right now.

When you consistently neglect:

• Sleep

• Nutrition

• Movement

• Hydration

…it doesn’t just impact your physical health. It affects:

• Your mood

• Your focus

• Your creativity

• Your resilience

• Your ability to handle stress

• Your capacity to hold big dreams and big responsibilities

If you want to achieve something extraordinary (extra-ordinary), then your actions will, by definition, have to be extra-ordinary too. That requires more from you than “average”.

And no, that doesn’t mean hustle yourself into burnout. But it does mean fuelling the body and mind that are carrying those dreams.

The Red Bull Myth & The Season You’re In

We hear the cool hero stories:

“I lived on Red Bull and slept 2 hours a night and woke at 4am every day and now I’m a billionaire.”

Great. But:

• Did they enjoy the journey?

• What did it cost them long-term?

• And do you actually want that to be your story?

I’m turning 40 next year (my partner keeps saying “stop saying that, you’re still 38,” but anyway). I’m not willing to sacrifice my health to the degree I might have tolerated in my twenties.

Right now, my sleep has taken a hit. My nutrition isn’t as on-point as it’s been. But I’m doing my best in the season I’m in, without beating myself up.

Don’t Put Yourself at the Bottom of the List

A massive part of this is simply not putting yourself at the very bottom of the list.

And I know, that’s easier said than done – especially if you’re a parent, carer, partner, or running businesses.

Recently the “mama bear” in me has been on overdrive:

• New baby in the family.

• Hospital visits.

• Making sure everybody has what they need.

• Tending to the businesses.

And yes, I’ve slipped into not tending to myself as much. But I’m aware of it. I’m not beating myself up. I’m just gently course-correcting.

Small, Stackable Changes

You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight.

Look for habit stacking – little things you can add into what you’re already doing:

• When I put the kettle on in the morning (and make the baby’s bottle), I:

  
  

  • Take my supplements

  • Drink a pint of water

  • And then, yes, have my beloved coffee

• 
  

• When I sit in the car for 90 minutes during my daughter’s football training, instead of automatically working, I read a book. That’s become “me time” in a season where I don’t have much.

These tiny decisions add up.

The habit shift:

Stop making yourself an afterthought. You are a priority, not a luxury.

Habit 4: Letting Negative Self-Chatter Run the Show

The next sabotaging habit is letting negative self-chatter run the show.

I consider this a habit because that’s what it becomes:

• Over-apologising

• Assuming you’ve done something wrong

• Berating yourself internally

• Running constant “I’m not good enough” loops

The good news about habits is: they can be changed.

When you’re used to an inner critic being loud all the time, it starts to feel normal. But you get to press pause and ask:

• “Is this actually true?”

• “Whose voice is this?”

• “Where did this belief come from?”

Because here’s the reality:

You are the only person who is going to make your dreams come true.

You are with you the longest. No matter how beautiful your relationships are, you are the one constant in your life. So it makes sense to become your own collaborator, not your own bully.

Being your own cheerleader isn’t cringe – it’s essential.

The habit shift:

Catch the negative chatter. Question it.

Replace “I’m such an idiot” with “I’m learning,” or “I’m figuring this out.”

Be as kind to yourself as you are to your best friend.

Habit 5: Procrastination (And the Weight of What You’re Avoiding)

Procrastination is one of the most common daily habits that sabotages your goals.

I see it constantly in my clients, and I’ve experienced it myself.

You know that thing you’ve been putting off forever? And you carry it around in your head like this heavy, nagging weight?

Then you finally do it…

And it takes six minutes.

We’ve all been there.

Procrastination shows up as:

• Scrolling instead of starting

• Cleaning the kitchen instead of sending the email

• Rewriting your to-do list instead of doing the hardest task

• Telling yourself you’ll do it “tomorrow”… every day

The question I always ask is:

“What is this costing you?

And how heavy is it to keep carrying this undone thing around?”

Because the truth is simple:

If you’re constantly procrastinating, you’re just not taking the actions that move you closer to your goals.

It’s not complicated. It’s not glamorous. And it doesn’t require some never-before-seen strategy.

The Only Antidote

The only antidote to procrastination is…

Action.

Messy action. Imperfect action. Tiny action. Any action.

It doesn’t have to be big, but it has to be something.

The habit shift:

When you catch yourself avoiding something, ask:

“What is one small step I can take on this in the next 10 minutes?”

Then do just that.

Habit 6: Perfectionism (A Fancy Name for Procrastination)

The final daily habit that will absolutely sabotage your goals is perfectionism.

Perfectionism is just procrastination in a nice outfit.

It often comes from fear – fear of looking stupid, fear of failing, fear of judgement. But ultimately, it stops you from doing the very things that will move you forward.

The key is to untangle your self-worth from your output.

Your worth is not measured by:

• How flawless your work is

• How polished your content is

• How few mistakes you make

The Podcast as a Living Example

This podcast is my biggest living example of choosing messy, aligned action instead of perfectionism.

When I first started the show a couple of years ago, I recorded about 10 or 11 episodes – and I made it SO hard for myself.

I believed:

• It had to be perfect.

• I couldn’t sound stupid.

• I couldn’t ramble.

• It had to be slick.

I tried:

• Scripting entire episodes word-for-word and reading them out.

• Re-recording multiple times if I stumbled.

• Micro-managing every second.

And the result?

• It felt stiff and unnatural.

• I agonised over everything.

• I started procrastinating because it was just too hard.

• Eventually… I stopped.

When I rebranded and relaunched Mindset, Mess & Magic, I had a choice:

• Delete those early episodes.

• Or keep them as a record of the messy beginning.

I chose to keep them. Because this show is literally called Mindset, Mess & Magic. I’m here for the messy middle. I’m okay with people seeing my earlier, less polished work, because it’s part of the journey.

Now, I show up more loosely. I talk like I would to a friend. Sometimes I ramble. Sometimes I think, “Hayley, get to the point.” But I’m showing up. I’m creating. I’m connecting. I’m getting messages from people in LA, Costa Rica, and all over the world saying, “This is exactly what I needed.”

That’s the magic. And it never would have happened if I’d stayed trapped in perfectionism.

The habit shift:

Done is better than perfect.

Messy, aligned action will always take you further than polished ideas that never leave your head.

Remember: Alignment, Not Punishment

Those six habits again:

1. Checking your phone before you check yourself

2. Falling into the day without intention or a plan

3. Failing to prioritise your wellbeing

4. Letting negative chatter run the show

5. Procrastination

6. Perfectionism

Each of these can quietly cock-block you from your dreams (let’s call it what it is).

But none of this is about beating yourself up. It’s about asking:

• Does this habit serve me, or sabotage me?

• Does this bring me closer to my goals, or move me further away?

• Is this aligned with who I am and what I want… or not?

You know the answers.

Your gut already knows.

Forget “right” or “wrong”.

Think aligned or misaligned.

Time Flies – Make This Season Count

If there’s one thing this “end of an era” season is teaching me, it’s how quickly time passes.

One minute you’re:

• Pregnant with your first baby

• Doing first nursery drop-offs

• Watching first day at school

The next minute, you’re helping that same baby move into her own home with her own baby.

Where you are right now – the struggles, the joys, the boring bits, the chaotic bits – will one day be a memory.

So:

• Take a breath.

• Be present.

• Find some gratitude for the season you’re in, even if it’s messy.

• And be intentional with the small daily actions you choose.

You deserve to live a life that actually supports your dreams – not one that silently sabotages them through default habits.

Thank You & How to Share This Episode

Thank you so much for joining me. I hope this has helped you spot which small habits might be tripping you up, and given you some gentle, honest ways to shift them.

If this resonated, it would mean the world if you:

• Share it with a friend who’s also trying to make small changes that lead to big shifts.

• Tag me on Instagram so I can see where you’re listening: @hayleyscottsummers

Sharing is caring – and it helps this little corner of the internet reach more people who need it.

See you next week 💛✨